SeanBest

[…] In order to teach the children frugality and make them understand the dangers of inflation, I had no choice but to halt all $200 pass-go payouts and increase the rental rates on the following properties: Boardwalk, Park Place, New York Avenue, Virginia Avenue, and the Short Line Railroad. Granted, this resulted in you (thimble), Warren (wheelbarrow), and Bethany (Scottie dog) paying me all your funds, but such is the nature of a recessionary economy.

This brings us to the housing crisis, for which you and you alone, Pamela, are responsible. When you choose a Chance card and Rich Uncle Pennybags orders you to pay taxes on your houses, then, damn it, Pamela, you pay taxes. Instead, you decide you’re not going to pay, because you only have $7 left. It’s just a game, you say. Stop taking it so seriously, you tell me. Well, maybe that’s what the millions of Americans caught in the subprime-mortgage crisis should have done.

Then you offered a solution—that we dole out my money and resume play. When I heard you suggest a redistribution of wealth in front of the children, I thought my head would explode. What type of example are you setting during Monopoly night, Pamela? Next, you’ll encourage Warren to smoke dope. Or Brittany to get a liberal-arts education […] via McSweeney’s